I'm bound to these memories like handcuffs.

I haven't cried in a very long time. Not since maybe last time I read BR (manga :3 ) but that doesn't really count as real crying does it? Or maybe it was last time I happened to be webcamming with someone. Guess that was crying. But that was what? Weeks ago. I've lost track of time completely, I don't even want to think of how long its been. And when I think of how long its been, I'm stupid enough to let myself count back the days, one by one. Forty four. And if I'm talking more accurately of when our last farewell was, mmm. Forty seven. But its funny how, I can just stare at the smiling pictures of us (Younha + Tablo <3)>that reality stabs. They say reality hits you. But I think it stabs more. Stabs straight at the heart. I don't know why I did. Maybe I was listening to the song, or maybe I just had too much pressure today. Hmmm. Today, another boring school day. 2:00 - 4:00 , tutor comes over. 4:30 - 6:30 , Chinese tutor. Get home. Study study study. I don't even get that much sleep anymore X__X Sucks that no ones on during my night time.

I haven't posted a real blog post in a while. But lately, I never really had time to talk to the friends I actually want to really talk to. One of three... Sigh. I don't even know what to say. Do I have to tell you straightforwardly? I admit. I say days are getting better, oh school is so fun. But everyday, something huge is missing. And it sucks. A lot. My friends still aren't everything I wish for. The hot guy isn't exactly going my way :P (In my dreams T__T) Classes are so frustrating. I'm yearning for sleep everyday, but knowing I have yet another class in an hour or two. I can go into detail, but like I told some people, one of the reasons why I stopped blogging is 'cause I find that too personal thoughts shouldn't be just plainly written out like this. On nights where I can't talk to anyone, even though I'm falling asleep I write in my diary. I feel it like my replacement for a friend when no ones there. Sometimes, I just want someone to listen to me. Share thoughts. Understand. But when the friend isn't there, I try to happily write through the blank pages.

As for the person I want to read this. I know we're both busy, and can't get online, or the one and only laptop I can use to call you is at my dad's office, or used. Can you atleast try to leave messages, or atleast reply some comments. You can say I'm selfish, but all I need are some sense of our friendships still there. I thought maybe you know me well enough to know this. But I'm really lonely here. You can say desperate too. Desperate for a sense of comfortness and feel like everyone's still there for me. I thought you promised you'll stay up at night for me. Must be too easily said. Thought that was what a friends for. But no, you don't feel social now. But you can talk at night on the phone with other friends. We say we're both the best friends we ever had in each others lives. Maybe its the distance, cause I don't feel it at all now. I know you can't call me back, but still. You can be bored at home, but not feel good enough to even leave your friend far away here a little message? A little reply? Am I just here , fun to talk to when we both feel like talking? It's not fair for me..

At school when we don't do anything I literally just sit there and stare at the picture of us. How sad, but true. My new friends all look at it and make comments, and I'd just brag of how close friends we are and how much I love them (: But am I just lying now? Cause I don't feel how "caring" you are now. I always feel like you're keeping a lot of secrets from me. After all , ever since I'm always the one spilling secrets. You never said a whole too much of yourself. Yes, you say your life is not "as interesting as mine" . Sike. Come on, really ?

Sigh. Now for others. I feel like a manga everyday at school. I've met class bully, the big "tough" guy on my left. Stares at my Jordans, talks back at teachers (jokingly x) , pushes classmates around, but nice to me. Haha, hilarious when he opened the door for me. I've met class scary girl .___. Two personalities. A cool tomboy girl, hides her face though I think she's pretty through her covered hair and glasses, hates the class and teacher cause she thinks they're too boring and serious. Good bball player, would be suddenly all outgoing and talkative to us, but mainly alone, silent, reading a book, or listening to music. In front of me, closest friend so far. I would say, class immature x) Such a cutie, reminds me a lot of Erica Lin<3> <

GAAAAH. Parents telling me to finish hw and go to sleep :(
So much more to talk about. So little time.

Bye.
:(